Help/Advice/Discussion
I wasn't going to post this for awhile, but I think I need some help/advice/discussion? S is in love with a man who is a crack addict. He is currently in rehab (started recently?) but has been thru rehab in the past. He has lied to her as well as stolen from her in the way of emptying her bank account. But she is in love with him, believes in him, and wants to support him and help him through this. Her mom has kicked her out of the house because S is irresponsible and acts like a teenager with attitude. she does nothing around the house (isn't it nice to get this kind of vindication directly from the mother?). S has just aquired an apartment and some-what moved in this weekend and guess what, her boyfriend stayed over. I'm not happy with that at all. I originally said I wouldn't do anything as long as he wouldn't be living with her, but now it looks that way. The girls say that he lives with mommy. So I'm unsure of what to do/how to proceed. I do not think I have enough proof and grounds to go to court or anything like that but I am not sure. I am starting to do some research and thought I would ask some opinion. So if you have anything to say, me ears are wide open.
talk to me
posted by Ailyn @ 3/06/2006 10:35:00 AM
10 comments
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10 Comments:
that is a very difficult situation and i really wish you didnt have to go through that...
my advice is to watch out for lets say a month... so you can gather proof and all... and then act. in the mean time try to remain cool.
If you go and DEMAND S to do something about the boyfirend, with no proof will be very difficult.. even with proof, but then shell have to face the facts.
I'm glad you posted this - don't know if you read my post last few weeks but my sister in law was in a relationship with an addict, his poisons being gambling, drugs and alcohol. His behavior had a very negative effect on her, and on their relationship - she stayed with him for two years. It seems to be they stay because they feel they can help or fix the problems in that person - and yes, it's love and they care - and this often renders them incapable of looking at the bigger picture - sometimes someone has to hold up that bigger picture and make them see what's going on.
It's a tough one. I would have a hard time leaving my kids around someone like that, but what can you do? You would hope that she wouldn't allow it either. I am sure of the shoe was on the other foot she would go ape shit.
Talk to your lawyer. You have the insurance fiasco already, and this should be just one more thing. If your lawyer doesn't think that this is enough, then that is one thing, otherwise you have to be the responcible one and do the right thing for your girls.
You know how we be feel about this.
R & K
watch closely. IF he exhibits ANY signs of his active addiction get those kids OUT OF THERE IMMEDIATELY.
on the other hand, i HAVE seen people reform 100% (of course one is always an addict but one can refrain from the substance).
either way, INSIST s NEVER leave the children alone with him and check with the children to make sure this is NOT happening. if it is, GET THEM OUT OF THERE IMMEDIATELY.
i will never understand someone ENTERING into a NEW relationship or CONTINUING a relationship with someone who steals and lies and is an active addict. we all know love has NOTHING to do with it
Talk to your lawyer immediately and monitor this situation closely.
Agree with all the others. Talk to your lawyer. Maybe you can even get the Mom to be a character witness vs the addict :)
I would not wait around until something bad happened. By then it will be too late. I hope I am just over-reacting, but I would be going ape-shit...clearer heads are better, keep up the good job and do what's best for the kids!
You know what I think............thinkin 'bout you.
Any update on this yet? The more I think about it, the more I'm also concerned with who's doing the things S's Mom used to do? If S wasn't doing any of the household stuff, who's taking care of it now? Cause I've got some pretty bad mental images of piles of dirty laundry, no clean dishes in the house, no nutritious food in the pantry, etc. Add the bf to the equation and that just makes it even worse.
-Kathryn
i have done research in all avenues including his background (you should see what i found). i have my options now and i know what i can do as well as what is plausible. i have also spoken with S last night and informed her again of my concerns. without going into detail (cause i'd rather keep the rest of this quiet just in case), she agreed to not let him be alone with the girls.
thank you to everyone for the advice and support. the road will be long but i continue to smile.
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